Parenting expert warns of innocent phrase you should never say to your kids

22 February 2024 , 12:55

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There are two words you 'shouldn't use' with your child (Image: Getty Images/Westend61)

Every parent in the land will have uttered these two words to their child when they are getting out of control - but they are a big no no according to one teaching professional.

There are no rules when it comes to parenting and most find their feet and figure out what works for their own child 'on the job'. But it can be tough at times and frequently involves difficult situations and heightened emotions - from the little people and the bigger ones!

Kids regularly have temper tantrums or get frustrated with something they can't do or with a task or game that has gone wrong. Something as simple as getting dressed can cause a meltdown of epic proportions so parents are often faced with tiny tornados of unreasonable rage to deal with.

Keeping your cool in these moments is key but you also want to try to settle your child and help them handle the situation. One phrase that surely every parent always says at this time would be, "calm down". And why not, it's what you want them to do for their sake and yours.

However, according to an expert, this is the last thing you should say. Amy Jackson is chief early learning strategy officer at Primrose Schools and she believes saying those two short words, just doesn't work.

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"No one has ever calmed down by being told to do so," she told the Huffington Post. It seems glaringly obvious when you think about it like that but Amy says we're jumping the gun by uttering the phrase and need to get back to basics and focus on their very real emotions instead of trying to quash them.

"Children need to know it is okay to have big feelings and be taught ways to self-regulate. Telling them to calm down, stop crying or get over it is assuming they can or know how to," she says.

She recommends actions over words when kids are having an outburst for whatever reason. She believes simply hugging them or doing some breathing exercises with them will actually help calm them rather than ordering them to. The expert also says that just a parent's calm presence can be beneficial in bringing emotions down from the ceiling.

Another very common two-word phrase Amy advises against using with your children is "stop it". She says unless they are in immediate danger in a situation, when it may need to be used, behavioural issues require a different approach.

It's important to tell the child what to do instead of what not to do, so an affirmative command rather than a negative one. She uses the example of teachers, who often say things like "Walking feet" instead of "Don't run," or "Inside voices" instead of "Stop yelling."

What do you think of Amy’s advice? Let us know in the comments below.

Beth Hardie