'My gender reveal party has driven a wedge between me and my trans-daughter'
A pregnant woman has sparked an important conversation after confessing that her gender reveal party had driven a wedge between her and her trans-daughter. Taking to social media she explained that she was expecting her second child and had recently found out it was a girl but it was her reaction that had caused a problem.
The 28-year-old wrote: “I am pregnant with my second child. My first child was from a teen pregnancy and is 14 now. My first child was born a boy but has expressed that they don't feel like their assigned gender from eight years old. Their stepfather and I have always been supportive of this, while still asking questions and engaging in age-appropriate conversations about the reality of transitioning.”
The mum continued: “As of today, they present as a female, but are totally fine using she/her/their pronouns. The issue I'm writing about took place this weekend at the ‘gender reveal’ my in-laws threw for me.
“It was revealed that we're expecting a baby girl. Having grown up with all boys - brothers and cousins - I was visibly excited to see pink smoke so I screamed and jumped in excitement. It's this last part that was brought to my attention by my firstborn, as being an issue.”
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She explained that her child felt it was insensitive of her to be that visibly excited about having a girl, remarking to their mother: “As if I don't have a daughter already." The mum went on: “While I do accept them as my daughter, I reminded them that for my pregnancy, birth, and first eight years raising them, they were a boy.
"This seems to have pushed them even further away, as now they won't even open their door or respond to my texts.” Wanting to know if she was in the wrong, the mum finished by asking: “Am I really the a**hole for being excited to be having a baby girl? Or is my firstborn just overreacting out of teenage angst?”
Readers of the post on Reddit were torn, with many noting that although she wasn’t in the wrong for being excited she has to be careful of her firstborn child’s feelings. One person wrote: “Not the a**hole. But you will need to watch. This could easily turn into a jealousy issue. Oh you did this for the baby not me or you are spending more time with the baby than me.. given the fact you had a baby at 14 there is no way you/they are going to have the same experience growing up. Maybe remind your 14-year-old that you had her at her age? It’s just not the same as having a baby at 28.”
And someone else suggested: “Maybe talk to your daughter and explain that you're excited for the whole "baby girl" phase which neither of you got when she was born. And then ask if she'd like a gender reveal of her own - she might want the whole shtick and make it kind of "tastefully tacky" (like literally use all the 'it's a girl!' decorations) or maybe something more lowkey, like a nice meal out (plus fancy new outfit). Whichever, just something that celebrates her being your daughter as well.”
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