'It's my first Christmas alone since wife died, I'm dreading every minute'

19 December 2023 , 08:00

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This year marks Bill's first Christmas without his wife Jo and he says she has left a 'massive hole' in his heart (Image: Bill Wilson)

Bill Wilson used to love Christmas Day, but this one will be spent alone reminiscing the special memories he had with his late wife Jo, who died earlier this year.

The festive period should be a joyful time, but for many of the 900,000 people living with dementia in the UK, their families' Christmases have changed forever. Bill says "Christmas will never be the same" after he lost his other half to the devastating 'silent killer' disease in January 2023.

Speaking to The Mirror, the 68-year-old said: "This year will be so, so hard and I'm dreading Christmas Day. Friends and family have told me to spend the day with them, but I just need to be by myself and sit with my memories of the life and love we shared. I would give anything to have her here."

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Bill and Jo with their great niece and nephew at Christmas 2021, when Jo's health rapidly declined (Bill Wilson)

In June 2020, Jo was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia and Alzheimer's disease at 66 years old. As her condition deteriorated over the following few years, she no longer knew what day of the week it was or recognised Christmas. More tragically, she forgot who Bill was.

"Before her diagnosis, we would usually enjoy a wonderful holiday somewhere for Christmas, like the Caribbean or Far East," Bill, from Newcastle, explained. "Christmas after her diagnosis became a time when feelings of loneliness and anxiety were heightened. I would grieve for the life I had lost, not only the wife I had lost."

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Bill had three Christmases with Jo after she developed the illness and said he had "rose-tinted glasses on thinking everything would be perfect". "Christmases got worse as Jo became even further down the line on her dementia journey and she had no idea what was happening. It was really hard. I wanted it to be a traditional Christmas, but it was a very lonely day for me," he said.

"The Christmas Day before she died, I bought and wrapped all of the presents - no surprise gifts for me. She couldn't understand Christmas Day and wouldn't open them. It took us until February before she finally did, and she didn't enjoy any of them. I didn't realise how isolated I would feel. I hit rock bottom and fell to my knees on the kitchen floor, sobbing uncontrollably for 45 minutes."

While Bill was aware of Alzheimer's Society's dementia support line, he struggled to reach out for help. "There's very little support for families with dementia and that kind of becomes non-existent during holiday periods. And when you're in a dark place, the helpline doesn't enter your thought process. It's only despair," he explained.

This year has been full of horrendous firsts for Bill, from Jo's birthday and their 43rd wedding anniversary to his first Christmas without her. "We enjoyed the good times and always said that we would love, last and live every single day together - and that's exactly what we did. I don't intend to take my wedding ring off - I'm still married and I always will be," he said.

'It's my first Christmas alone since wife died, I'm dreading every minute'

Last Christmas, Jo refused to open a single present and didn't understand why Bill bought her gifts (Bill Wilson)

Bill says Christmas 'will never be the same' again and vows to raise awareness of dementia for Jo (Bill Wilson)

Bill met Jo back in 1972 when the pair were teenagers at the University of Northumbria. "I asked this beautiful young lady to dance and we just hit it off," he recalled. Eight years later, they tied the knot and spent the next five decades besotted with each other, travelling the world at every opportunity they had.

"She was a very strong, independent woman. She started life as a nurse and rose through the ranks very quickly. She had an international reputation and everyone knew who Dr Jo Wilson was," Bill said. After Jo was diagnosed with dementia, she deteriorated very quickly and he became the 'sole person' to look after her.

"She would wander around the house looking for her mum, who died previously. I wore keys around my neck worrying that she would escape out of the front door or lock herself in the cleaning cupboard," he explained. "The bad times were worse than your most horrible nightmare. Lots of family and friends disappeared. Some of them would say, 'I hate to see Jo like that', and I'd always reply, 'But I'm still here and you could support me'. I had to do it alone without any support."

While Bill is honest about his darkest times, he wants to reassure other families that "it doesn't mean your life is coming to an end". "We just had to find new ways to create things we both loved to enjoy. We used to love going out for dinner, so I'd try to replicate that in the house," he said. "Or we would sit on the sofa like we were in the back row of the cinema with hot dogs and popcorn."

Bill has spent the last year fundraising for awareness and money towards dementia research. "If you're ill, you're treated by the NHS. If you're ill with dementia, it's all private care," he explained. "I want the whole world to talk about dementia." He wishes the general public knew that dementia can affect anybody and it's not an 'old person's disease'. "It's not about getting old, it's about getting ill," he said. "We're seeing people in their early forties and fifties getting dementia. At the earliest possible opportunity, you should get checked as the new drugs rely heavily on an early diagnosis."

This year, the Alzheimer's Society is highlighting the devastation caused by dementia at Christmas. To donate to the 12 Days of Christmas appeal or find out more information, visit the website. For dedicated support, ring 0333 150 3456.