Saying no to unwanted Christmas invitations is 'good for mental health'
Learning to just say "no" to unwanted invitations and parties this festive period could be beneficial for your mental health, according to new research.
More than three-quarters of people in a survey confessed to accepting an invitation they did not want to attend because they were concerned about the consequences of declining. The new study - from the American Psychological Association, which conducted five experiments with more that 2,000 participants - shows that not only do loved ones not care about rejected invitations as much as we imagine they do, but rejecting invitations can actually be beneficial in avoiding burnout.
But the risk of burnout is even higher over the Christmas season, when invitations are at an all time high. Research lead Dr Julian Givi said: “I was once invited to an event that I absolutely did not want to attend, but I attended anyways because I was nervous that the person who invited me would be upset if I did not – and that appears to be a common experience. Our research shows, however, that the negative ramifications of saying no are much less severe than we expect.”
More than three-quarters of people in a survey confessed to accepting an invitation they did not want to attend because they were concerned about the consequences of declining (Getty Images)In one experiment, the researchers asked participants to read a scenario where they either invited or were invited by one of their friends to a dinner on a Saturday night at a local restaurant with a celebrity chef. The participants who were given the invitation were told to imagine they declined because they already had plans during the day and wanted to spend a night at home relaxing.
The participants who imagined giving the invitation were told their friend declined for the same reason. The researchers found that participants who imagined turning down their friend’s invitation often believed it would immediately have negative ramifications for their relationship. These participants were much more likely to say their friend would feel angry, disappointed and unlikely to invite them to attend future events than the rejected group rated themselves.
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Dr Givi continued: “Across our experiments, we consistently found that invitees overestimate the negative ramifications that arise in the eyes of inviters following an invitation decline. People tend to exaggerate the degree to which the person who issued the invitation will focus on the act of the invitee declining the invitation as opposed to the thoughts that passed through their head before they declined.”
Dr Julian Givi says rejecting invitations can actually be beneficial in avoiding burnout (https://juliangivi.wixsite.com/juliangivi)During another experiment included in the study, the team recruited 160 people to participate in what was described as a couple’s survey with their significant other. One member of each couple was tasked with writing an invitation, and the other had to reject it so they could relax.
The person who rejected their partner’s invitation to a fun activity tended to believe that their partner would be angrier or more likely to feel as if the rejection meant they did not care about their partner than they actually did. And the team believe their findings, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, show people consistently overestimate how upset someone will be when they decline an invitation, even if they have a longstanding, close relationship.
Dr Givi added: “While there have been times when I have felt a little upset with someone who declined an invitation, our research gives us quite a bit of good reason to predict people overestimate the negative ramifications for our relationships. Burnout is a real thing, especially around the holidays when we are often invited to too many events.
“Don't be afraid to turn down invitations here and there. But keep in mind that spending time with others is how relationships develop, so don't decline every invitation.”
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