'My miserable workaholic husband can't stand Christmas - regardless of our kids'

14 December 2023 , 17:55

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'I’m starting to wonder if there’s a deeper problem in our marriage' (Image: Getty Images)

Dear Coleen

Every Christmas ends up being stressful in our house and I hate it. My husband is always moody and argumentative. He makes us feel like he’d rather be anywhere else than with us.

It’s got worse over the years and can’t be fun for our kids, who are 10 and 12. We all tread on eggshells around the house, trying not to upset him.

I always try to make it special for the kids and do all the preparation, cooking and buying of presents. My husband does nothing yet he’s still miserable.

He’s a workaholic and spends most of his time at the office and even at home he’s emailing and taking calls. I’m starting to wonder if there’s a deeper problem in our marriage in that he doesn’t want to be married to me any more or if it’s just the holidays that wind him up.

I’m getting to the point where I’m thinking of introducing the subject of divorce. I’m astounded that he’s so selfish and can’t make the most of it for the children.

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I’d love some advice on how to handle the holidays and what to do about him.

Coleen says

I think arguing at Christmas is actually more common than you’d think. It’s a bit like a pressure cooker as people are forced together for quite a long time with the expectation that you have to have fun.

Added to that, kids often get bored and start arguing once the excitement of presents and Christmas morning is over.

Maybe there is a deeper reason why your husband struggles during holidays and Christmas in particular, but he needs to acknowledge it rather than just lashing out or being moody. I think a bigger conversation needs to happen, but it might be better to do it once Christmas is over and normal life resumes.

Maybe he finds work stressful and it’s difficult to switch into family mode. It sounds as if he doesn’t have a healthy work/life balance.

But if he just hates Christmas – for whatever reason – then perhaps think about an alternative Christmas in future. Maybe go away with the family or perhaps you can split the time, so he can do something he enjoys.

Make it your resolution for 2024 to be more open with each other and talk things through. Be honest that you’re worried about your marriage to the point of considering whether divorce is best.

And in the meantime, why not ask him to try extra hard this year to make it a nice time for the kids.

Coleen Nolan