Widowed woman dismayed as mum-in-law demands wedding gifts back after son dies
Losing your spouse or partner is one of the most difficult things that can happen in your life. While grief of any kind can be all encompassing, the tragedy of an early death in your family can take years to recover from. For one woman it was only a number of years after losing her husband that she finally began a new serious relationship.
While her husband was alive neither of the couple had a strong relationship with his parents, instead they were closer to her parents, but when they learned that she had finally met someone new and begun a relationship, her late husband's family suddenly got back in contact with her and insisted that she return the wedding gifts she had received upon her marriage to their son.
The anonymous woman posted on Reddit hoping to find advice and hear the opinions of other's about her dilemma, explaining: "My husband passed away about three years ago. We were together for nine years, married for four years at the time of his passing. He never had a great relationship with his parents and he was very vocal about that to all of our friends."
This lack of closeness extended to finances, the woman explained, so as a couple they chose not to share details of their financial situation with his parents. However, because they were closer with her parents this kind of information was shared with them - her parents also helped them out financially "when needed," but they didn't ask her in-laws for the same kind of assistance.
When the couple were engaged, they decided to buy a home together and at that point his parent's did have to "sign a document as we did not have a living will" and the woman had some "legal troubles". At this stage, the woman explained, his mother, "kept making snarky comments about the car I drive and shoes I buy. It was resolved eventually- but I think the process just gave me a bitter feeling."
'I don't want children staying up late at weekends - I really need adult time'
After her husband's death, she claimed that "his parents waited to see if their names were listed as beneficiary for any accounts we had and after it was confirmed that they were not - they stopped contacting me," and hadn't spoken to her in the two years since then. In the last few months, she had started a new relationship, which his parents had heard about and were "clearly not happy" and the woman said that their attitude has "become a 'why should she have anything from our son' mentality." On top of this, the woman had also lost her own mother about six months ago, and she noted that his parents did not attend her mother's funeral or even contact her when she suffered this loss.
However, they did finally get in touch with her again to demand that she "give them all the wedding jewelry back that was received for our 2017 wedding". The woman noted that none of these presents were "family heirlooms or passed down jewelry that would have sentimental value. They were just gifts from those who attended our wedding."
The woman added that her former in-laws were disputing the ownership of her home, claiming that as their son put down the deposit, it isn't rightfully hers, however, she said this is "Untrue as my parents had helped us put a large amount of the down payment for that home- but my husband never shared that with his parents since we never wanted to make rub it in their faces. They also think that their son funded everything and our entire lifestyle- which is another lie as we had built our life with money that was made by both of us, not just him."
Overall the woman believes that she and her late husband built a life together jointly and both worked towards shared goals, so "any gifts given to me during my wedding or things purchased between money that their son and I made is not their's." She added that "his mother has been harassing and calling my family and it has been non-stop comments to the point where she questioned my upbringing that my deceased mother gave me. All my family members think they are disgusting to do this to their son's widow, but it also gets awkward as we are trying to be mindful that they lost their son."
While the woman noted that she was sure that his parents were still grieving such a huge loss and her "heart goes out to them" she was confused about their behaviour, but commenters quickly came to her support. "They may still be grieving, but now they are just being hateful to you," wrote one. "Block them on all channels. See a lawyer if you want to be sure everything financial is clear of them, and go on and live your life in peace."
Another said: "I'm afraid you're being far too kind and generous to the in-laws. These people are total psychopaths and must be blocked and discontinue harassing you. You owe them nothing (obviously) and I would send a registered letter advising them to cease and desist contact ASAP. Sorry this all happened protect yourself".
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