'Mother-in-law demands I let her plan my wedding - she wants full control'
Weddings may be a happy milestone, but the prelude can cause major fallouts amongst friends and families, regarding the venue, the wedding guestlist, and table plan. It turns out that was the case for one bride-to-be who was ghosted by her soon-to-be mother-in-law who wanted to arrange the entire ceremony and “live out her dream”.
The fiancée vented her frustration on Reddit. She wrote: “My fiancé’s mum is extremely controlling. She has been taking various pictures of him throughout his life and has almost documented every second of his existence. Up until he was 17, she would choose what clothes he wore, and made all decisions for him, and refused to let him choose by himself.
“She told him multiple times as a teen, that she would be planning his wedding and that whoever he found would ‘just have to be fine with that.’ “Well, I'm not. For a while now, I've been wanting to plan my wedding. Like any normal bride would.
“My soon to be mother-in-law, immediately after my fiancé proposed, almost started talking to me like I was her child. She told me where I'd be having my wedding, and sent me some wedding dress styles I could choose from.”
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The bride-to-be hit back to stop the parent from bulldozing over her wedding plans, which did not go down well. The future bride continued: “I immediately told her no, and said that it was my wedding, and she didn't have any right to control aspects of it. She was very angry, and told me that I was an a***hole for not letting her ‘live out her dream.’ But, nevertheless, I continued to plan my wedding.”
Tensions soared even more when the bride-to-be revealed she was planning to ban any guests from taking photographs during the ceremony, but to leave all picture taking duties to the professional until the reception.
The post continued: “Everything went sideways when I decided I did not want photos being taken during the ceremony by anyone else but the photographer. I would like everyone attending to be mentally and emotionally present and be respectful of everyone’s view.
To be clear, I don't mean no photos for the whole wedding, I just mean for the ceremony and the first dance. Guests will have permission to take pictures after that, but I want them to keep their cameras down, and enjoy the ceremony. I texted her and explained this to her.
“She was absolutely furious and said I was insane and that she would not be following my wishes. She's gone no contact for the past few days, despite me trying multiple times to explain. I have a feeling she's never going to let me have the day how I want it.”
Following the mother-in-law’s reaction the bride-to-be is contemplating uninviting her to the wedding entirely. The frustrated fiancée said: “At this point I'm considering telling her that if she can't accept my wedding for how it is, then she doesn't need to attend. I know that she will want to take a bunch of group photos, that I don't know we have time for, and may cause unnecessary chaos regardless.
“Should I have just let her take pictures? I feel like I'm ruining things with her, but she won't let me plan my wedding the way I want it.” But Reddit users back the bride, and urge the couple to stick together to avoid being “steamrolled” by the pushy parent.
One comment read: “You've got to do this now, or she's gonna steamroll you forever. But also your bf needs to back you up. If he doesn't, you're better off not marrying him.” Another added: “Your future mother-in-law is trying to live vicariously through you by planning your own wedding and is mad you’re not tagging along for the ride.
"Stand your ground. (She seems like the type to wear white/her wedding dress to another person’s ceremony too).” A separate Redditor shared: “No, no, no! This is going to set the course for the rest of your life with this woman. Start out with a spine or you will regret it.”
While others advised the bride-to-be to leave her fiancé to liaise with his parent, and to nip this in the bud before she interferes in future milestones. Another weighed in: “Where is your fiancé in all of this? Who is paying for this wedding?
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"Some important info. It doesn't change my vote of not the a***hole, but your fiancé should be running interference here. If he isn't, then you've got a long road ahead of you, where his mum tries to run his and your lives.”
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