Bride slated for uninviting maid of honour's daughter 'because of wheelchair'
A bride will normally want her best friend to share her special day with her as maid of honour - aiding her with everything from organising the hen party, to choosing her wedding dress and helping her to get glam on the day and make sure she stays that way for the entire event.
Such was the plan for two women who had been besties since school. However their dreams of sharing wonderful memories together forever were destroyed when the bride told the maid of honour that her daughter wouldn't be able to attend the wedding because she was disabled.
Taking to Reddit to share her heartbreak, the 32-year-old would-be-bridesmaid revealed that she had a seven year-old daughter called Lily who was born with a congenital condition that meant she needed to use a wheelchair. Her best friend "since high school", Jane, had always been supportive of her daughter and had known her since birth.
When her friend originally announced she was getting married, she was over the moon. She wrote: "A few months ago, Jane excitedly announced her wedding, set to take place in a historic but not-so-accessible venue. I was thrilled for her and assumed provisions would be made for Lily. I was even more elated when she asked me to be her maid of honour."
As the bid day approached, Jane shared the itinerary with her maid of honour, who noticed that there were no provisions for anyone with a disability, which was obviously a concern for her. She explained: "When I approached Jane about it, she said that while she understood my concern, the venue couldn't make the necessary accommodations due to its historical status. She suggested I could leave Lily with a babysitter for the day.
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"I was taken aback. I couldn't fathom leaving Lily behind, especially since she was excited about the wedding. The thought of telling her she couldn't attend because of her wheelchair broke my heart."
Instead of having to tell her daughter she couldn't attend the wedding because of her disability, she decided to tell Jane she couldn't go to the wedding or have anything to do with it. This didn't go down too well with the bride: "Jane was upset, mentioning how she'd dreamed of having me by her side on her big day. She felt I was putting her in an unfair position so close to the wedding."
Their mutual friends were divided over the issue, which made her doubt herself: "Some feel Jane is being insensitive and should have considered Lily from the beginning. Others believe I'm overreacting and should respect Jane's choice of venue without making the wedding about my daughter's needs."
With their friendship strained, the maid of honour is now wondering if she made the right decision or if it was "overly emotional or selfish". The overwhelming response to the problem was that the bride should never have invited Lily in the first place if she wasn't going to put the necessary plans in to accommodate her wheelchair.
One wrote: "I would honestly rethink that friendship if a child was invited in writing and she knew she was using a wheelchair (no need to consider her disabled, the wheelchair is still a FACT) and didnt (sic) bother to choose an accessible venue, or make it so its (sic) accessible with transportable accessiblity (sic) helpers."
Another thought it unfair that the bride ignored Lily's needs and she should have valued her friendship more than a venue for her wedding: "When she at some point see it's not wheelchair friendly she can't possibly be so excited because it's so damn beautiful and she's got a million things to plan, that she forgets that her bff's daughter is in a wheelchair. Because everyone knows that bff's are infallible and never forgets anything nor makes mistakes…"
One commenter was disgusted by the bride's decision: "So disabled people do matter. Disabled children do matter. They aren't just inconveniences. 'Including' them but not accommodating them is really gross. Someone treating your child like that should make you rethink the friendship."
They were backed up by this user: "The most powerful people to advocate for disabled people are those directly adjacent. Not ensuring equity of access is grossly inconsiderate of guests."
"I'd almost agree with you," said another, "But her best friend is showing that she is willing to really hurt a little girl she has known her whole life, who probably loves her, by saying just leave her at home and get a babysitter. The little girl was invited now she's not invited. Anyone willing to inflict pain on your children is not your best friend."
Despite the majority of comments supporting the maid of honour, there was one who understood the bride’s predicament: "I mean. Realistically, at this late date what else is she supposed to do besides say 'Sorry. guess you'll need to get a sitter?' She's not going to cancel her entire wedding and lose thousands of dollars because one guest can't attend."
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