'My husband has suddenly become interested in having sex - I'm now suspicious'

03 October 2023 , 20:25

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A woman is unsure as her husband has become more enthusiastic about sex (file image) (Image: Getty Images)

Dear Coleen

Sex with my husband has been infrequent over the past few years. It’s a typical scenario – we have young kids and we both have demanding jobs.

I’ve just been getting on with it, even though I’m aware the lack of intimacy is a huge problem. We usually have sex when we have a rare night on our own or when we’ve had a few drinks.

However, recently, my husband has been a lot more enthusiastic about having sex, which is confusing to say the least. It’s a good sign, I suppose, but I’ve found myself resenting him because it’s like he’s just picking up where he left off with nothing in between – no romance and no effort as far as the relationship goes.

I would like to feel close to him again, which I think is the thing that’s missing. This new enthusiasm also got me thinking why is he suddenly so horny all the time? Could he be having an affair? I’m just suspicious about why he suddenly feels up for it again. Any ideas on how I can deal with my feelings over this?

Coleen says

Yes, first of all, don’t assume he’s having an affair. It seems like a big leap and you haven’t given any other reasons for thinking this.

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Plus, if he doesn’t have time to have sex with you, it’s unlikely he’s having it with someone else! Maybe, like you, he’s realised the lack of sex needs addressing and so that’s what he’s doing – he just hasn’t talked to you about it.

So I think lack of communication is probably what you need to work on first. Explain that you need to make time for each other to connect again as a couple. I’m always so impressed by my niece and her hubby, who have kids and full-time jobs, but once a fortnight they make time for each other.

They’re only young, but they’ve nailed it. Sometimes, they don’t feel like it because they’re exhausted and often they don’t do anything fancy, but they still do it. It might just be a nice dinner and a glass of wine at home, followed by a movie, while the kids are sleeping at their gran’s house. The thing is, it’s a simple idea, but most people don’t do it because it takes a little bit of planning.

So, be honest about how you feel, what you want, and make a plan. But, remember, you’re both responsible for your ­relationship, so be proactive.

Coleen Nolan