Mum labelled strictest parent ever admits she regrets not being nicer

03 October 2023 , 01:06

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Amy Chua, the "Tiger Mother," faced criticism for her parenting methods (Image: NBC Newswire/NBCUniversal via Getty Images)

A woman dubbed the "Tiger Mother" has opened up about the challenges of raising her daughters with strict rules. Amy Chua, the author of the controversial book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," has said she regrets speaking harshly to her kids although she does not regret writing her infamous book.

In the book, Ms. Chua outlined her strict and demanding parenting methods, which included banning sleepovers, mandating A grades, and requiring her daughters to practice music for several hours daily. The approach received widespread criticism and led to Amy being vilified as an excessively strict and pushy parent.

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Several years later, Amy Chua faced a life-threatening illness that made her reevaluate her priorities and parenting style. She realized the importance of expressing her pride in her daughters and regretted some of the harsh things she had said to them.

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Mum labelled strictest parent ever admits she regrets not being nicer

Chua's life took a turn when she battled a life-threatening illness, leading to self-reflection (AFP via Getty Images)

Amy Chua told the Daily Mail: "I lost control of one lung, had eight tubes inserted in me, including one in my heart valve, and I lost all my hair. Every organ was shutting down. It really caused me to think about what was important in life."

During this challenging time, Ms Chua recognized the need to convey her genuine feelings to her daughters, sentiments that she had not expressed before due to her strict parenting style:

She said: "There were all these things I should have said to my daughters that I hadn’t. Things like: I’m so proud of you and I hope you realize that even though I tend to err on the side of criticism and finding fault, you are so much more talented and brilliant than I ever was. You exceeded my wildest expectations."

Chua's daughters, Sophia and Lulu, were subjected to intense music practice sessions (FilmMagic)

Chua's health crisis prompted a reevaluation of her parenting style and priorities (FilmMagic)

Despite the challenges, her daughters, Sophia and Lulu, grew up to be accomplished individuals. Sophia became a military lawyer, and Lulu graduated from Harvard with distinction.

Lulu, while acknowledging the positive aspects of her upbringing, also expressed the difficulties she faced, particularly in terms of the intense pressure to excel in music. She felt the burden and anxiety but appreciated her mother's influence in shaping her work ethic and determination.

Lulu said: "There were happy moments and difficult moments and it was maybe a less carefree childhood than a lot of other people’s. I lost that childhood innocence, that sense of joy and wonder, and I definitely felt a lot of stress."

Lulu openly discussed the pressure she felt, particularly concerning her musical training, and how it impacted her emotional well-being. She noted: "The thing we fought most about was the violin... It was certainly anxiety-producing... I felt there were so many burdens on me [and it did] impact my mood and emotional stability, which were probably of secondary concern to my mum."

In her book, Amy Chua outlined bans on sleepovers and mandatory A grades (Penguin)

Despite challenges, both daughters achieved remarkable success in their chosen fields (Henry Lamb/Photowire/BEI/REX/Shutterstock)

She also reflected on a significant incident during their family trip to Moscow, where a disagreement led to a heated argument, prompting her mother to reevaluate her parenting methods: "She started giving me more choices. It was clear I’d accomplished what I’d set out to with violin, but it wasn’t going to be the focus of my life."

However, she indicated that she might adopt a different approach when raising her own children, striking a balance between her mother's teachings and a more flexible, child-focused parenting style.

She noted: "I think I would take a lot of lessons from my mum, but I also think I would adjust things too. I would listen to my kids a bit more and maybe not force things on them because they would each have their own separate personalities."