Psychiatrist's 'rule of 12' will help you stay calm when 'everything goes wrong'

29 September 2023 , 14:21

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This easy tip might help you feel more in control (stock photo) (Image: Getty Images/Image Source)

We have all had moments where we struggled to stay calm, as the frustrations we experience have built up over the day, or even weeks. One expert in mental health has come up with a tip that he gives to all his patients to ensure that they manage to remain calm even in the most trying times, like moving house, and helps improve their mental state and well being in the long-term.

The psychiatrist and best-selling author advises using what he terms "the rule of 12". This entails noting all the frustrating things that have happened to you as you go along, but staying calm throughout and only expressing your frustration once you've reached the 13th annoying thing to land on your plate.

Expert psychiatrist and bestselling author has one tip he used with all his patients (Samantha Nandez/BFA/REX/Shutterstock)

In a video posted to Tiktok, Dr. Amen explained how he came up with the rule of 12. "I first came up with it a couple of years ago when we went to Europe for two weeks," when his family were taking a holiday to celebrate his wife's 50th birthday. "And I went, 12 things are going to go wrong. And I'm not going to get angry, or scream or yell or become a jerk, until the 13th thing goes wrong. Indeed, six things went wrong, and I didn't get upset at all."

Dr. Amen goes on to joke that he had recently been moving house, and his rule of 12 had transformed into the rule of 18, adding that "the more you honour the fact that difficult things happen and you can roll with it, the more psychologically healthy you are."

The psychiatrist stresses twice in the video the importance of honouring the fact that bad stuff is bound to happen to you throughout the course of your days. "S**t happens," the expert says, "you just have to be okay with it".

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Many commenters on the TikTok seemed to find Dr. Amen's advice on building resilience in the face of inevitable adversity useful, with one writing, "I like this. My tolerance to adversity is pretty low. I will try. I appreciate your posts," and another saying, "I can't tell you how helpful this is."

However, not everyone found Dr. Amen's tip as useful with one commenter pointing out that "I'm not sure that can work when people are houseless, living in poverty etc. It's a very privileged approach."

How do you deal with frustration? Let us know in the comments below.

Emma Mackenzie