'I'm tired of my ungrateful husband - so I'm cancelling Christmas'
Making plans with your loved ones is really fun until it feels like you're the only one who is making an effort. If others are refusing to pull their weight and living all the heavy lifting to you, planning trips away can suddenly feel like a chore, and leave you wondering why you even bother at all.
One woman was left seriously frustrated and wanting to cancel Christmas thanks to her husband, and his twin brother, who were being ungrateful - and she said she was "tired" of feeling "under-appreciated" so wanted to cancel their upcoming three-week Christmas trip to Italy.
The woman explained on Reddit that she's been married to her husband for three months, but they've been together for seven years, and they both value trips as they "work high-stress jobs with high incomes" and they have "no children." She said: "In our relationship, I plan our retirement, keep track of finances, host friends/family, arrange gifts, make appointments, and plan our vacations (we travel a lot). For his part, he does laundry and cooks and does the dishes more than me. He gets along well with everyone and is the more 'easygoing' one.
"On our trips, I've asked my husband to help me with tasks ranging from helping me plan beforehand, to finding an Uber. Usually, he ignores me until it's too late and I have to make the decision, or he makes mistakes (getting an Uber to the wrong place, or forgetting beach towels I asked him to bring). Mistakes aren't a big deal, but he places the blame for them on me."
She then said that she did "99% of the planning" for their wedding, under the guise that he would "plan a honeymoon." He failed to do that. And, she shared that her husband has a twin brother, who has a similar attitude. She continued: "My husband also has a twin brother who often comes along with us. Like my husband, his twin doesn't help plan and he has never thanked me for planning trips for us. He behaves like coming on the trips is a gift to me. Outside of this, I've tried to be his friend, but I feel no reciprocity. I get him gifts for his birthday and holidays, text and call him, and include him (i.e. asking him if he wants me to write his name on a Mother's Day card when he hasn't helped pick a gift).
'I don't want children staying up late at weekends - I really need adult time'
"Right now, we're all on a flight back from Hawaii where I researched hotels and flights, put together a schedule, booked hikes and dinners, rented a car, etc. When I brought up the fact that they complained a lot and never said thank you, my brother-in-law said that he told me the 'sunset was nice' and that is the same as a thank you.
"When I told this to my husband and explained how upset I was with both of them for not helping me (not yelling but definitely not in a calm way) he told me to f*** myself. My husband also said that if I cancel future trips I'm no longer invited to my in-laws Thanksgiving (the one thing his mum plans)."
Then, she posted her dilemma: "I've already planned and booked an elaborate three-week Christmas trip to Italy for the three of us (they say they want to go while doing nothing) but I just feel exhausted. At this point, I'm considering canceling it entirely, canceling my own portion, or canceling one or both of their portions and going solo. Would I be the a**hole if I took one of those paths?"
In the comments, people were quick to tell the woman that she was not in the wrong, but they were wondering how it took her so long to work out that his attitude was bad. Someone wrote: "But in a seven-year relationship prior to your marriage, surely this has been an ongoing problem. Why did you marry him? Or by extension, his twin it sounds like.
"Your husband told you to 'f**k yourself' then threatened to exclude you from the family Thanksgiving for canceling trips where you do all the work-hell no. Cancel your husband and his twin’s Christmas trips and go solo. But I would suggest a trip to the divorce lawyer first." Another agreed, commenting: "Why stay married to that inconsiderate a** when she is obviously financially stable?"
"My eyebrows raised when I read the 'go f yourself' line. That would be an instant dump for me. So hugely disrespectful and dismissive", a Redditor fumed.
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