Lucy Letby's scribbled notes that reveal the ONLY glimpse into her twisted mind

23 August 2023 , 08:09

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The front of a diary, along with a Post-it note which was found inside the diary at Lucy Letby's home (Image: PA)

Lucy Letby's Post-it notes detailing her depraved thoughts and intentions are likely the closest the baby killer will ever come to a confession, says a forensic psychiatrist.

The 33-year-old nurse was given a whole life order last week for murdering seven babies and attempting to murder six more while working at The Countess of Chester Hospital. Her scrawlings were found in her home in Chester, with detectives suggesting she left them for police to find. However, Dr Sohom Das believes they are simply a "glimpse into Lucy Letby's psyche".

The psychiatrist's career has seen him examine four women who murdered babies - all of them suffering psychotic delusions to the point they had lost touch with reality. But Dr Das does not think that is the case with Letby - Britain's worst ever baby serial killer.

A hand written note which was shown in court at the Letby trial (PA)

Writing in the MailOnline, he said: "That is not what we're seeing in these Post-it notes. There is no evidence here of a mental illness so serious that it might reduce Letby's criminal culpability. What does leap out at me are the expressions of self-hatred, guilt, shame and self-loathing, along with a low self-confidence – what psychiatrists call 'negative cognitions'."

Letby's notes included phrases like "I don't deserve Mum + Dad", "Hate myself", "I am a horrible evil person", "I don't deserve to live" and "The world is better off without me". Then in added annotations she put "NO HOPE", "DESPAIR", "PANIC", "FEAR", "LOST". Dr Das said there a two "overlapping reasons" that combine to explain such outbursts. The first is that she had a "modicum of awareness" that what she had done is "too terrible to imagine".

Baby boy has spent his life in hospital as doctors are 'scared' to discharge him

The moment Letby was arrested (Cheshire Police)

Letby's notes also say: "There are no words. I am an awful person – I pay every day for that." Dr Das believes it highlights she "appears to be feeling guilty", while squeezing all this onto Post-it notes possibly shows her self-pity and represents the "limited in scope and size" of her conscience. The expert says it all points to a "sliver of subconscious mind that was conflicted". The second possible explanation is the "obvious signs of depression and anxiety in these frantic scribblings".

He said such negative thoughts are "common" expressions of depression and it is "quite likely" Letby didn't know exactly what would happen as she started jotting down phrases. Dr Das said: "One of them is headed 'Not Good Enough', and she might have begun with the intention of just jotting a couple of thoughts down, before they exploded out of her in this chaotic and, possibly, cathartic rush." However, he added that if the killer was suffering from depression, her symptoms were not severe enough to stop her functioning normally. Her colleagues, for example, didn't notice her seeming "unduly stressed".

Some of her notes are also contradictory, and while Dr Das said he has seen cases of people committing crimes before later convincing themselves otherwise, "that's not the case" with Letby. Rather she knows what she did but is "deeply invested in her own lies and idea of her innocence". He said this well-known contradiction is common with people who have committed less serious crimes like financial fraud, describing it as a "narcissistic entitlement". He adds Letby is a "remorseless killer" though this doesn't mean she has all the typical traits of a psychopath.

Dr Das said many experts had focused on the line "I killed them on purpose because I'm not good enough to care for them". But he believes - rather than something to be taken at face value - it was simply an "outburst of self-pity". Instead, he thinks: "Her true motivations, I believe, are power, control and the thrill of being around the grieving process." However, he says Letby is the "most extraordinary and unique clinical case I have encountered" with nothing in her past appearing to be particularly strange. He fears we'll never fully understand her, partly because she will remain in prison and so never receive the psychiatric support which could lead to an epiphany.

Ryan Merrifield