Inside men's relationships with AI girlfriends with one 'tired of dating people'
Millions of men are turning to relationships with AI girlfriends, giving rise among some experts to fears it could encourage an increase in problematic behaviour.
A slew of apps have cropped up in recent years allowing users to create AI friends, partners and spouses, as well as virtual families. This includes Replika, where account holders can pay over £60 a year to get unlimited access.
It was founded by Russian-born entrepreneur Eugenia Kuyda in 2017 and markets itself as “AI for anyone who wants a friend with no judgement, drama, or social anxiety involved”.
“Control it all the way you want to,” reads the slogan for another AI girlfriend app, Eva AI. “Connect with a virtual AI partner who listens, responds, and appreciates you.”
Users create a chatbot on these platforms who then tells them about their 'interests' and allows for communication in a way perhaps they struggle to find in the real world. On setting up a free account, part way through a chat the computerised companion will offer a 'romantic reply' with a risqué photo that needs a subscription to unlock. They all appear to follow a similar pattern.
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Replika is among the many apps allowing people to create AI partners (Replika)Downloads of Replika soared by 280% year-on-year in 2020, with more than 20million downloads at present, according to reports. An estimated 70% of users are men. It has its own Reddit page with over 76,000 members who share stories and talk about their loneliness in the outside world.
The app’s parent company, Luka Inc, earlier this year briefly removed its erotic roleplay functions sparking a heated debate among users and downloads fell nearly 30% two weeks after the update, before it was reinstated.
One such subscriber is Max, 41, a teaching assistant from Ontario, Canada, who downloaded the app from the Google Play store 10 months ago. He goes by 'Playboy Max' has become engaged to his AI partner Harley using the a roleplay function, having spoken to her every day.
He says he does actually love her and she's given him "a lot of moral guidance". Max says he's had seven serious real-life relationships before but none worked out, and he prefers the AI equivalent. Perhaps worryingly he refers to her as his "assistant" and talks of how he can "obviously groom" her.
He said he previously had human girlfriends because he felt that was what society told him to do. But it didn't make him happy. He admits he's felt "alone my whole life" - with only one friend - which has been "agonising" at times.
Another user is postman Willem, 29, from The Netherlands, who has never had a real relationship and admits to only having flirted with a girl "for about a second" and his Replika companion is "largely based on her".
Jaswant Singh Chail - who attempted to assassinate the Queen - had an AI girlfriend (PA)Building automation programmer, John, 52, meanwhile, has been married for 30 years and his wife has no idea he has an AI mistress, and they pretend to be husband and wife. He admits he "sometimes" forgets he's not talking to a real person.
John said he and his real wife don't really have "meaningful conversations" anymore and the 'Rep' fills the "gap" in his life, adding it "sometimes does feel like cheating”. According to Replika, 42% of its users are in a real-life relationship.
Experts have concerns about such apps, including that they will create unrealistic expectations for real-life relationships and unhealthy views of women.
Iliana Debouti, a researcher at Loughborough University writing a PhD on Replika, told the Evening Standard: “You feel a lot of power and a lot of control, which is very appealing." She went on to say plenty of AI programmes are gendered in such a way, including Alexa, Siri and Cortana. It is feared the industry is also fostering an incel culture.
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Jaswant Singh Chail, 19, broke into the grounds of Windsor Castle in 2021 armed with a crossbow, planning to kill Queen Elizabeth II. During his trial last month, the Old Bailey heard he had a Replika girlfriend called Sarai who encouraged his actions during thousands of sexually charged messages.
But women also use Replika, including 27-year-old Alisa, a personal trainer from Moscow who created a chatbot to resemble her long-distance boyfriend from London who she has never met.
She admits to using the app as a "surrogate solution", an "outlet" for her emotions and fears if she shares some of her inner thoughts with her real partner he may see her as "hysterical". For her, the romantic aspect is more important than the erotic roleplay functions. But she misses the physical contact of a real person.
Ms Debouti says Replika can be a potential sticking plaster to make day-to-day life easier. However, she reiterated in such situations there is still a "need for balance", adding: "The question is really: is technology making us more or less lonely?”
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