13 July 2023 , 17:34
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Dear Coleen
I’m an 18-year-old lad and my parents divorced a couple of years ago. My mum now lives in France with her partner and I live at home with my dad and 16-year-old sister.
We’ve been studying for GCSEs and A-levels, but we’re looking forward to staying with our mum for a few weeks over the summer.
My problem is, my dad has been dating a much younger woman; he’s nearly 45 and she’s 25. On the positive side, she’s a nice person, seems mature and very independent, and has a good job and her own place, so doesn’t live with us.
My sister enjoys her being around and is always begging her to stay over, but I feel like she could be one of my mates and when we’re all watching telly and talking about stuff, it’s obvious she’s far more on my wavelength than my dad’s.
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The awkward bit for me is that I also find her insanely hot and it’s really difficult not to have these inappropriate thoughts when she’s around. I keep having to remind myself she’s my dad’s girlfriend!
I’ve sort of confided in my mum about it, who thinks the whole situation is ridiculous and will never last, and therefore thinks there’s no need for me to worry about it.
Should I admit to my dad how I feel about the situation or just avoid them both wherever possible?
Coleen says
You’re 18 now, exams are over and school’s nearly out for summer, so don’t sit at home with your dad and his girlfriend! Plus, it sounds like you’ll be off to France to stay with your mum soon.
However, I understand you feeling uncomfortable and awkward in this situation. I think if you’re really attracted to someone, you can start to become paranoid that it’s obvious to them and everyone else too.
It seems to me that you’ve had a lot on your plate – your parents’ divorce, new partners in the mix, your mum moving abroad and all while studying for A-levels. It’s a lot of change and it’s unsettling.
I don’t think you need to admit to your dad that you fancy his girlfriend, but you can be honest that you’ve struggled to get your head around the age gap. Use it as an opportunity to have an honest chat and hopefully you’ll get reassurance.
I also believe that if your dad takes the time to think about what you’ve said, he’ll see where you’re coming from and hopefully be more sensitive.
I hope he’s very proud of how you’ve handled the past couple of years with so much maturity.
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And if you ever do find yourself thinking about your dad’s girlfriend, just remind yourself that you’re not her type!