19 June 2023 , 16:14
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Dear Coleen
I’m a man in my 20s and planning to propose to my girlfriend when we’re on holiday next month. I bought the engagement ring with help from one of her mates and was pretty excited about it all.
Now I’m having doubts whether I’m doing the right thing because when we were watching telly the other night (a sitcom about marriage), my girlfriend said it was really depressing and she couldn’t think of anything worse than being an old, boring married couple. She said she’d rather die.
I don’t know whether I’m reading too much into this, but I’ve lost my confidence because of this. We’re going on this holiday with a few mates, who are in on the proposal and have been sworn to secrecy.
I planned to propose after a scuba dive with my girlfriend in a beautiful location and then head back to the hotel where there’s a party organised with our friends in the evening.
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Do you think I should probe a bit deeper and bring up the subject of marriage beforehand and see how she reacts?
It’ll be a nightmare if I propose on holiday and she says no, and then we have to face all our mates. What would you do?
Coleen says
I’d definitely bring the subject up again – ask her if that’s how she really feels and if she never wants to get married. If she says she’s not interested in marriage, then don’t propose on holiday, but you’ve got to keep talking about what you each want from your relationship.
You clearly want to get married to her, but a big proposal is risky if she doesn’t want what you want.
I know love is a beautiful thing, but you have to be on the same page as far as your futures go.
You need to have honest conversations about the big steps in life such as marriage and kids. Maybe she’s a bit scared about taking that big step into marriage or perhaps she’s just not ready. But don’t get angry about it – discuss it.
My sister Denise has been engaged for 40 years, but never wanted to marry and she’s the only one of us sisters who’s managed to stay with her partner throughout all that time.
So, this doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship, but you have to be honest about whether it’s enough for you.