30 May 2023 , 16:54
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Dear Coleen,
I’m a 28-year-old woman, married with an 18-month-old daughter. My problem is, my parents are completely indifferent towards me and don’t even seem that interested in my daughter.
I suppose I’ve always been independent, leaving home as soon as I could, but I still don’t think it’s any reason for my parents to cut themselves off.
I have two younger brothers, who live at home and are still very dependent on my parents, who indulge them, even though they’re old enough to be making their own way in the world.
My parents frequently forget to send me a birthday card or present in time, they never call (I have to call them) and they barely show any interest in their granddaughter, although they did come to her christening and drank us out of house and home afterwards!
Dad furious after boy, 6, orders over $1,000 of takeaways while his mum is out
I think they’re just very selfish, but they’re missing out on our family life. I don’t want to go to them cap in hand as I think it’s their responsibility to care about me.
My mum has a hairdressing business and her entire life revolves around it, and she’s always “too busy” to do anything with me.
My dad just isn’t very emotionally evolved and leaves all the decisions up to my mum.
How do you think I should approach how I feel with them?
Coleen says,
They sound very wrapped up in their own lives, running a business and having two sons still at home.
And, while I’m not condoning their lack of interest in you, perhaps because you’ve always been so strong and independent, they’ve got used to you not needing them and they don’t worry about you as much as your brothers.
However, next time you speak to them, just get your point across in a non-accusatory way. Say you’d like to see and hear from them more and want them to be more involved.
It can just be about your feelings instead of blaming them. Be honest that you miss them being involved, and while you might not need them in the same way as your brothers need them, you still want them to be a part of your lives.
Suggest making time for each other – maybe even plan a regular time to get together.
If you want that connection, be the one to speak up. It’s true you can’t force people, but you can say something and hope they take it on board and make more of an effort.
'So fed up of tiresome pal flirting with my husband and always putting me down'
Until you open up the discussion, you don’t know their feelings, and it might be lovely for them to hear you miss them. Don’t let it build up, so it explodes in an argument in six months’ time.