Psychologist explains behaviour misconception parents have that 'winds him up'
There are many challenges involved with being a parent and one of the most common is having to deal with your child's bad behaviour and tantrums.
Many mums and dads might assume their little ones are acting up because they want attention or doing something 'naughty' on purpose.
However, an expert has warned that this isn't always the case and is in fact one of the biggest misconceptions surrounding children's behaviour.
Professor Sam Wass, a child psychologist known for his work on Channel 4's Secret Life of 4 and 5 Year Olds, told The Mirror that children aren't actually fully in control of their actions at a young age and this misconception is something that really 'winds him up'.
It's 'wrong' to assume your child was misbehaving on purpose, according to an expert (Getty)Speaking in partnership with Virgin Media O2's Connected Playground, Professor Wass shared how it would be wrong to think children are always 'in control' of their behaviour.
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He said: "The biggest and most common misconception around children's behaviour is that they are doing things deliberately, it always winds me up when people say that and you hear it all the time, someone will say 'oh they're just doing it to get attention' or 'they're just doing it for X reason'.
"But the truth is that the way that brain development happens is that in a child's brain, the emotion centres are quite well developed even in a young child, but all of the control regions and all of the analysis regions are really slow to develop. They are still developing in a 15-year-old brain.
"In a five-year-old, their emotion centres are fully grown at a time when their self-control regions aren't yet, so it's like trying to steer a massive speedboat with a massive, powerful engine and a tiny little rudder."
He went on to share a quick example of how this would impact a child's behaviour, asking parents to think about a child who is able to intellectually understand that it's nice to share their toys with other children and often tell others that sharing is caring.
However, one day you then see them go up to a friend or sibling and snatch something from them.
While the child does know intellectually the importance of sharing, at that moment in time, they were so worked up about something that they weren't in control of their behaviour.
Sharing is caring (stock photo) (Getty Images)A teacher or parent might try and handle this scenario by explaining once again the importance of sharing, but Professor Wass believes there's a better way.
Instead, of telling the child off, he encourages parents to try and use it as an opportunity to help them build some self-awareness of their emotions and work out what the bigger issue was.
"I would go up and say, I can see that this is very upsetting, I can see that you're very tired or that you're, you're upset about this and that type of thing. And then talk about it in a kind of non-judgmental way. Don't tell them not to feel something, they can't control what they're feeling," he explains.
"Instead describe what they're feeling and then gently remind them what they know already. Emphasise that they do know this already, that they've got to do it. And then just forgive and be understanding about what's generated this behaviour in the first place."
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