07 March 2023 , 09:04
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A woman has spoken out against her mother-in-law in a bid to educate others about racism after an incident occurred between the two leaving the younger lady feeling 'hurt' and disappointed.
The unnamed woman took to the internet to share how her mother-in-law had pulled on a piece of her hair and asked if it was fake.
The son called his mother out over her racist comment and the woman also shared her upset - but they claim the older relative refuses to apologise for her behaviour and doesn't think she did anything wrong.
Taking to Reddit, the woman added that her mother-in-law instead told her she should be flattered as her act came from a place of admiration.
The woman was 'hurt' by her mother-in-law's actions and comment about her hair (stock photo) (Getty Images/iStockphoto)In the post, the woman explained: "Mother-in-law commits the cardinal sin involving black women's hair and it's my fault I'm bothered
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"I'm a mixed-race female with relaxed hair. I had it up today and as I walk through the door mother-in-law pulls it. I said I don't appreciate it being pulled and the follow-up to that is why, is it fake?
"My partner is infuriated on my behalf and later, when he demands an apology, he is told that he is acting more bothered than me. I correct mother-in-law and say that it actually really bothers me, as it is a thing I have experienced my whole entire life, I'm just simply being more diplomatic about it."
Her in-law proceeded to tell her to get over it and she will not apologise as she was not aware of its implications.
"I asked her if anyone ever did something similar to her and she lied about it on the spot. Feeling overall deflated from this interaction, the nature of which has never transpired between us until now," she said.
Pulling somebody's hair in this way can be considered a race-based microaggression. This behaviour might not be done maliciously but directly discriminates against someone by highlighting a difference in them.
According to research by beauty brand Dove, these experiences of race-based hair discrimination can start as early as five years old.
Nearly half (42%) of Black and mixed women with Afro and textured hair have experienced this type of prejudice at school.
In 2020, the first 'Afro hair code' was launched in the UK - by the Halo Collective - the organisation which wants to end hair discrimination
It pushes schools and businesses to ensure the Black community have the "freedom and security to wear all afro-hairstyles without restriction or judgment".
In response to the Reddit post, many have sided with the woman and offered their sympathy on what must be a difficult and uncomfortable situation.
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One person wrote: "I'm so sorry she did that to you. How completely rude on the surface level. And racist as well. Just because she wants to know what it's like does not mean she gets to just reach out and touch you."
While another stated: "She was aware and it's all about race. Please just stop being obtuse. It's disrespectful and degrading."
A third penned: "You don’t pull the hair of another adult and ask if it's fake? Good grief! She owes you a big apology."
The woman later updated her post to share how she hoped to use it as a teaching moment, adding: "In a nutshell, and in my specific experience - my whole life people have felt entitled to touch my hair or comment on it in ways they wouldn't for other people because it's a foreign texture for them. That's an inherently race-based assumption and unfortunately human nature, but that doesn't make it right.
"What we CAN do about that is become self-aware and educate ourselves, rather than the disappointing reaction described above re: becoming defensive, shifting blame, and refusing accountability. THAT part hurt more than having my hair tugged or the implication that my hair is fake (despite knowing this person for a number of years). You can't be bothered to change."