'Sister married a narcissistic groomzilla - she should have seen his red flags'
A woman has shared how her sister was manipulated into going on a date and eventually marrying a man who was a "narcissistic groomzilla from hell". The marriage only lasted for four months after he decided to come out and the shocked bride eventually found out he had a secret boyfriend. However, there were a number of red flags showing from the beginning of their relationship.
The fuming sister said that her 29-year-old sibling had initially and constantly rejected the man's advances while on an 18-month Mormon church mission trip but he persisted and when they both returned to the US he even went as far as leaving his college to move across the country to the school she was attending and continued to ask her out and she continued to reject him. This, she said was the first red flag.
The 35-year-old told fellow posters on Reddit that she had nicknamed the man Ahole and that her sister finally agreed to a date but following that meeting the man "ghosted" her for six months, then showed up again which she thought was the second red flag. She said: "My sister had never had a boyfriend and was extremely introverted growing up so of course she started obsessing over him and why he disappeared after one date.
"She went through a period of depression before finally starting to feel better. That was when Ahole suddenly popped back up saying, 'let’s just be friends'. (So many reg flags) I told her he was manipulating her into feeling like she needed him, but she didn’t listen. Within a month Ahole proposed and she said yes."
She said there constant problems with the arrangements for the wedding with the groom's mother interfering at every stage and while she wanted a small family wedding, he told her that he had been planning his wedding since he was a little boy and wanted a huge ceremony. His mother then started to plan a wedding the bride did not want.
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She added: "Anytime my sister told them both to back off of all the over-the-top planning, Ahole would cry and want to have days-long conversations about his feelings. She finally just gave in to let him have his dream wedding." She said that during the run-up to the wedding, the groom would often have temper tantrums if family events didn't go as he had planned, which left the bride questioning her decision to get married.
The 35-year-old sister said that while her sibling wanted a beach wedding, he wanted a rustic wedding, so they got married in the mountains. She wanted her favourite flowers, but his mother cancelled them and got his favourite flowers. The sister wanted a less traditional song to walk down the aisle to, he changed the music at the last minute to the song from Twilight. She wanted the first dance, but his mum cut in and made sure she had the first dance instead.
She said: "What was worse is that he made my parents pay for his wedding. Long story short, they get married and four months later he disappears and has his mum serve her with divorce papers. Apparently, he finally decided to come out and had a secret boyfriend that he left her for."
Fellow posters were shocked at what had happened, and were sympathetic at the shocked bride's plight, but also thought that her religion may have left her unprepared for her encounter with such a narcissistic man. One said: "Young Mormons tend not to have the most… grounded idea of what a good relationship is. Especially the women, who are raised to 'reject the secular values of individuality and devote themselves to the eternal women's roles of marriage, motherhood, and submissiveness'. Add into that a groom from the same upbringing who is clearly in crisis himself over his homosexuality, and things get really messy."
While another said: "This makes me sad for her but also so happy she didn't spend multiple years of her life in that marriage being miserable. Hoping that she's found peace, strength, joy and love since this occurred," and a third said: "I am baffled that her parents would agree to pay for the wedding but have zero input. I can understand the bride’s naivety, but her parents? Glad the poor girl is rid of him."
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