15 February 2024 , 12:24
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Holding a funeral for your child is a harrowing experience, and you expect those invited to be sympathetic.
One mum was left distraught when she was forced to hold a memorial service for her two-year-old daughter after she passed away following a battle with "childhood cancer" in 2022. The woman said it was the "hardest time" of her life and almost two years after her death, she still finds things a "struggle".
And if having to say goodbye to her daughter wasn't heartbreaking enough, the funeral was overshadowed by her husband's sister, who callously decided to use the family gathering to share her own news - that she was pregnant.
In a post on Reddit, the mum shared: "In 2020 I gave birth to my daughter. In 2022, she passed away after a fight with childhood cancer. It was the hardest time of both my and my husband's entire life. Since then, it's been a struggle every day and I miss her more than I ever thought I could miss someone. It's like a part of me was lost with her.
"Shortly after she passed away, we had a memorial service for her. That is when my sister-in-law decided to tell people that she was expecting. She didn't make any big announcements or anything but more than 10 people at the service 'heard' and it's what everyone was talking about. To understate it, I was livid."
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The woman has recently found out she is pregnant again and is now planning a baby shower. However, when working through the guest list for the event, she was left unsure whether she wanted to invite her sister-in-law. She believes the other woman is "vindictive and mean" so doesn't want her there, but she's worried she could cause tension in the family if she doesn't invite her.
She added: "A few months ago, I found out I am pregnant again. My sister wanted to plan a baby shower. I said okay and I've been working on who I want to invite. I really don't want my sister-in-law there. Besides what she did, she's a vindictive and mean person and I cannot stand her.
"I don't want her there. I mentioned it to my husband and he says he could care less whether she's there or not. But for the sake of saving face, I want opinions before I do this. For context, I would still be inviting my other two sister-in-laws (my husband's other sister and my husband's brother's wife). She'd be the only one not invited."
Commenters on the post were firmly in favour of not inviting the sister-in-law, as many pointed out that her behaviour at the funeral had been out of line. One person said: "Nope, I wouldn't want someone around me like that … announcing a pregnancy at the death of a child is insane," while another added: "I can't believe you're still in contact with her at all. She knew what she was doing, big announcement or not."
If you are struggling with the loss of a child, Child Bereavement UK can help. The charity helps children, parents, and families rebuild their lives when a child grieves or when a child dies. They can be contacted via their website, through email at [email protected], or you can call them on 0800 02 888 40.