'My daughter-in-law expects me to do chores to see my grandchild'
An unhappy grandmother claims the only way she can see her grandchild is if she helps with chores, but other parents have given her a stark warning about confronting her daughter-in-law.
The arrival of a new baby should be a joyous occasion for parents and all the family, but this wasn’t the case for one put-out grandmother. The woman claims her daughter-in-law’s mother got to see their grandchild more often than her even though she lived further away. When she asked her son about it, he said the other granny was helping out with chores but the woman doubted this because she could see pictures on a family app of the grandparent just cuddling the baby lots.
She shared her problem with Slate.com's agony aunt Prudence and revealed that she offered to help out with some jobs but was told she was doing them wrong.
"When they have deigned to invite me over, I have offered to do chores too," she wrote. "One time, my DIL told me that I was washing the bottles incorrectly. The next time I arrived, she had a note printed of steps to take to wash the bottles taped up to the fridge, like I was an idiot!"
She was also asked to clear out the cat litter tray, which didn’t go down well as she is allergic to cats and wasn’t happy when she witnessed her daughter-in-law with a breast pump.
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Continuing to air her grievances, she added: "Other times I have been over, she has pumped her breast milk right in front of me, and once asked if she could take a nap while my son was napping also. Sure, just go off to your marital bed while grandma is here!"
After confronting her son about the lack of invitations, she was asked to go along to a baby music class instead of going to their house. "I am deeply offended. I am thinking that I should confront her directly this time instead of my son, but my sister says that I should keep communicating through my son, not with her. What do you think?" she asked.
Presumably expecting a sympathetic response, she may have been taken aback with Prudence’s reply, which was brutally honest. She said the grandma’s letter was biased towards her version of events and made her look like she was really hard to be around. She pointed out that the rule with new parents is that you try to help out with anything you can to make their lives a little easier as they try to adapt to all the challenges a new baby brings.
"Your DIL and your son are tired and feeling vulnerable," she stated. "They’re newly responsible for an entire human life. And all you do is stress them out. They know that any time you’re around, you’re going to either share a grievance or gather the material for a new one. I believe this all started from a place of love and a healthy desire for connection with your grandchild. But it’s spiralled into your becoming a burden and a pest, and making the parents feel uncomfortable in their own home."
The grandmother was told she needed to support them more, which didn’t include emptying the litter tray but did mean putting their needs first. “The name of the game in this new era of your life is to be easy to be around," she said. "And if you want a chance to play that game, you can probably get back in the door with a sincere apology and promise to do better. Do you have it in you?" she asked.
What do you think of the grandmother’s gripes? Let us know in the comments below.
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