'My husband constantly lies about tiny things - he's like a naughty schoolboy'

24 January 2024 , 18:47

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A woman worries her husband is keeping things from her (Image: Getty Images/Science Photo Library RF)

Dear Coleen

This may sound like a weird one, but my husband lies all the time about stupid stuff, like denying he’s eaten the last biscuit or dropping into the pub to have a drink with a mate. The other day he said he’d paid a bill when he hadn’t, which wasn’t a huge deal, as I paid it and it wasn’t for much. He claimed he thought he’d paid it, but had obviously forgotten!

It’s like I’m dealing with a naughty schoolboy half the time and I don’t get why he has to constantly fib about things. We already have two kids and I don’t need another one. I have this constant feeling he’s keeping things from me, which makes me feel ­paranoid and frustrated. I’m losing respect for him, to be honest.

He was a bit like this when we got together, “forgetting” to tell me things, but since we’ve had kids it’s got so much worse. I have tackled him about this in the past, but he claims it’s “just the way he is” and that I’m getting upset over nothing.

My worry is that if he finds it so easy to lie, what else is he lying about? Am I making a mountain ou of a molehill or am I right to worry?

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Coleen says

OK, I guess it’s important to think about how you react when he forgets to do ­something. I’m not saying it’s your fault, but if he’s a laidback, non-confrontational person, maybe he can’t be ­bothered telling you things because he wants to avoid a row or a lecture. What he’s not getting is that the truth always comes out!

Tell him your worries. Explain if he constantly lies about small things, it makes you worry he also lies about big things. How will you know when he’s telling you the truth about anything? He’s obviously not a very good liar, though, because you keep finding out.

Be honest that his behaviour is driving you insane and making you suspicious, but also ask why he feels the need to lie. Maybe he needs reassurance from you that you’re not going to overreact if he forgets to do something or if he wants to grab a drink with his mates.

Ask yourself if you are handling things in the best way. Do you kick off if he says he’s going for a drink after work? It’s important to agree boundaries – he needs to be more communicative and open and you need to manage how you react to minor stuff. If it’s not a big deal, then don’t turn it into one.

Coleen Nolan