14 January 2024 , 10:00
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A couple keen to get married have had to put their wedding on hold due to money shortage and now want guests to pay for their own dinner.
While many dream of marrying the love of their life, it is no secret a wedding can be a very expensive affair. Whether a big or small event there is a lot to organise and pay for - from the wedding dress to suits, flowers, location, guests, and more.
According to the 2022 National Wedding Survey by Hitched, the average UK wedding cost £18,400 in 2022. This was up six per cent on the average amount couples spent in 2021, which was £17,300. Working out your budget is important before planning the big day.
A bride is stuck in a dilemma about her small wedding in May this year; she wanted just a small service with 30 guests but her family say they should all go out for a meal afterwards. However, the bride says she has made it clear that she and her husband-to-be, age 50 and 53, cannot afford to pay for a wedding reception meal and insist guests pay for themselves.
Taking to Mumsnet, the concerned wife-to-be explained: "My partner and I have been engaged for a year and money is short currently so we've put on hold our wedding. However, I've had a couple of health scares recently, neither of us are young and we just want to be married.
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"So we've booked the registry office for a small wedding - up to 30 guests- for May. Family are very keen for us to go out for a celebratory dinner afterwards but we've made it clear we can't afford to pay for them, and they're very happy to pay for themselves.
"However, we'd love to invite some close friends too, but can't afford to pay for their meal. We're planning on eating at a local hotel and thought we'd invite some friends but make it clear they'd have to pay for their own meal. But, also give them the option of meeting us for drinks in the bar after the meal if they prefer."
She added: "Are we being unreasonable? I'd be fine with it if I was invited on this basis but not sure if other people would think it cheeky?"
Mumsnet users were left divided by the dilemma - many say it is unfair to expect people to pay, while others suggest the bride and groom could ask guests to pay as an alternative to a wedding gift. One individual said: "I really don't think you can expect people to pay if you've invited them. Why not just have a drink reception instead and buy the first drink if money is an issue?"
Another commented: "I think you should just invite them to the drinks reception after. I do think it's a little cheeky to invite them and then ask them to pay for their meal."
A third said: "If it's super clear then I'd be totally fine with it. Only exception would be if it was a really expensive place. I’d much rather go to a really lovely pub/restaurant and celebrate with my friends (paying for myself) than think my friends were stressing about it.
"I also think it's different when you're a little bit older, everyone’s got a much more rational view of weddings by then!"
Another wrote: "If they're close friends just ask them. It would not phase me at all, for good friends and in the right circumstances we'd be happy to pay our own way in order to join the celebrations." One other suggested: "Of course, you can ask. Just be clear why. State 'instead of a wedding gift we would ask you to pay for your meal as we are on a very frugal budget but would still love you to share our day with us'."
Another agreed: "Yeah, I think it's fine - as long as it's clear in advance people can decide if they're happy to do it. You could phrase it as an alternative to a gift, perhaps?"
Do you agree? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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