13 January 2024 , 11:34
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Holding your baby as a new mum is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world, and it's safe to say that when it comes to holding your pride and joy, there are only certain people you'd trust.
Watching your newborn being held by someone can induce stomach-churning feelings - you may be worried about them being dropped, about your baby being sick, or even germs and hygiene concerns. As a result of these concerns, one new mum decided she was going to go the extra mile to ensure that the hands touching her baby were incredibly clean - and her mother was victim to her demands.
The unnamed woman planned to restrict the physical contact her future child has with her husband's parents - unless they do two very specific things first. She revealed all in an honest letter to advice columnist Carvell Wallace, admitting that her mother-in-law is a heavy smoker.
Writing to Slate.com's Dear Care and Feeding, she said she was not concerned about the woman smoking in front of the child. Her concern was instead about her child's exposure to thirdhand smoke - a phenomenon many people are unaware about.
Thirdhand smoke is thought to occur when smoke lingers on clothing and furniture and is considered dangerous for babies and children. The woman said: "After researching thirdhand smoke, I am very concerned about her holding the baby after she has a cigarette. My husband and I have decided that after she smokes, she needs to shower and change her clothes before she can pick up the baby."
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She added that she didn't want to "ostracise" her relative with her decision, but wanted to set firm boundaries with the woman, so wanted advice on how to best do that. The columnist's initial reaction was contempt, but after researching himself, he found that thirdhand smoke is a real thing, so he praised the mum-to-be for taking it seriously.
He said she is "perfectly within [her] rights" to ask her mother-in-law to do those things in her home, but she may have to be more lenient when she visits the in-laws in future. He added: "With any luck, this will spur her to take a second look at her relationship with smoking and maybe even cause her to let go of something that is clearly standing in the way of being with her grandbaby."