21 December 2023 , 17:08
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Dear Coleen, I’m about to have my first Christmas without a partner in years. I ended my marriage a few weeks ago after finding my husband had been sleeping around and he’d done underhand stuff to do with money.
He moved out and left me with our two children. I’m done crying about it as I never want him back, but I’m worried about Christmas Day.
He’s coming over to drop off presents for the children and is taking them out for a couple of hours, then it’ll just be me and the kids until the 27th when my parents arrive from Ireland.
What is your view? Have your say in the comment section
I don’t know if the kids will be upset or if I’ll end up feeling really down and lonely. I could use some tips to get through it.
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I am seeing friends at New Year and my parents are watching the kids, so hopefully things will seem brighter. It all feels new and scary right now.
Coleen says
I think it’s important to use Christmas to really focus on taking time for yourself, as well as making it fun for the kids.
Your parents are arriving at the right time to help with the children and support you too.
It sucks and I can relate – I know what it’s like to experience that first Christmas after the end of a relationship.
What’s positive about your letter is you’re sure about your decision to end the marriage and you have things planned with friends. The temptation is to shut yourself away, but you’re doing the right thing letting family and friends support you.
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Christmas Day itself will go by in a blur of excited kids and present opening. And if you’re feeling a bit down, then pick up the phone and have a chat with your mum or a friend. As for your ex, it’s good he’ll be there for the kids. The important thing is to keep things civil in front of them (even if you scream into a pillow later).
You don’t say how old your kids are but, in my experience, children are pretty adaptable and the good thing about Christmas is there are plenty of distractions.
If they have questions, try to answer them as honestly as possible without bad-mouthing their dad. Keep things as normal and busy as you can.
Maybe on Boxing Day you can take the kids for a walk or see if any of your friends are around. People will want to help. Sometimes anger is useful, too – use it to power through and prove to yourself (and your ex) that you might be down, but you’re definitely not out.
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