'My fiancé refuses to allow my son to attend our child-free wedding'

27 November 2023 , 11:44

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The bride wants a child-free wedding (stock photo)

Planning a wedding can be notoriously stressful for the bride, groom, and their families. After all, there are lots of things to consider, one of the most important parts being who gets an invitation. Lots of couples now opt for a child-free day to reduce costs and allow parents to let their hair down, but it can prove to be a controversial decision.

One dad has taken to social media to ask if he's in the wrong for taking offense after his fiancé said she didn’t want his 15-year-old son from a previous relationship at their wedding. In planning discussions, she initially expressed that we wanted a child-free wedding which he agreed to he said but with one exception - his son.

He wrote: "My son, 15, I had him from a previous relationship and we have evenly split custody of him. Until now my fiance has gotten along great with him, we've had days out as a family, she's gone to see his games (he plays ice hockey) and she's even taken him out on fun days just the two of them.”

When he asked his fiancé if they could make an exception to the no-kids rule for his son, he said she shot the idea down straight away. He went on: “She didn't want anyone under 16 there as she doesn't want to feel like she or anyone else has to babysit on her special day.

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“I told her that no one would have to babysit him, he’s 15 and she knows he's well-behaved and a generally quiet kid.” To that, she changed tactics, and asked, “Why I wanted my old family and life [there] on the day I was supposed to [be] making a commitment to her and our new family.

“I told her while I will be making a commitment to her, my son will still very much be my son and my family. She then equated it to wanting my ex at our wedding, which I do not and never asked."

He explained that he didn’t care about having a say in the planning of any other aspect of the wedding. Aesthetic, food, music, everything. However, the one thing he did want was to make sure his family was invited - his parents, his sisters, and of course his son.

He explained: “She started calling me controlling by giving me an ultimatum and said I had initially agreed to a child-free wedding and now I'm 'gaslighting' her. I said we could have a mainly child-free wedding, but with this one exception, an expectation that guests can't even complain about being unfair since the only child is the son of the groom.

“She called me a d*** and is now not talking to me,” he said. Wondering if he was indeed in the wrong, he took to Reddit to ask other people. He finished: “I really think this is a reasonable want, but maybe I'm not seeing something, so am I the a** h***?”

Most Reddit commenters were quick to point out how unreasonable the bride’s request was to exclude her fiance’s own son from their wedding - with some calling out red flags and advising him to call off the wedding altogether.

One wrote: “Wow wow wow. She doesn’t want your own child to come to your own wedding. And not a crying baby or a terrible two, but a fifteen-year-old. Yeah, I’m sorry, bud, this is all kinds of evil stepmother red flags-the whole thing about you making a new commitment to her and her family, and equating having your son there to having your ex-wife there. Get out now while you just have to eat the non-refundable deposits for the wedding. Save yourself and your kid a world of hurt.”

Another agreed, “She will be the type to make him kick out his son once he turns 18. Or make him move back to his mother's when she gets pregnant. She is pushing him out already.”

One more wrote, “Don't marry this woman! She arbitrarily chose an age one year older than your son to be the cutoff, then talked about "old" family versus "new" family?? This has nothing to do with not wanting children at the wedding.”

Another person chimed in, “Sometimes on REDDIT I think that people are overreacting but for ONCE it’s not the case at all. Your son is your family. He is not a ghost of your old life. Please, I beg you, make a good decision and to be a good example for your son.”