Mum and parenting expert claims you should 'reward' your kid's bad behaviour
A controversial mum has shared that she believes parents should not punish their child's bad behaviour, but should instead be 'rewarding it'.
Roma Norriss, a parenting consultant, believes that it's more effective to give children attention, rather than chastising them for things that they've done wrong. The mum, from Somerset, has two children (15, 12) and two stepchildren (16, 12) and she wholeheartedly believes in giving them all the attention they ask for, as she believes punishing kids makes the problem worse and will impact their mental health. She said children may end up "hurt" or "frightened" by being "lectured" by their parents.
Roma thinks children should be given attention if they're acting out (Jam Press/Roma Norriss)
She says punishment is bad for mental health (Jam Press/Roma Norriss)Roma said: "Instead of punishing children for their behaviour, it's more effective in the long run, and better for their mental health if you can just give them what they need. Spoiler alert: this is usually attention. You quite often hear people say 'They're just doing it for attention' - yes they are! So give them attention!
"A toddler who strikes out at playgroup is likely stressed by either the social or sensory input (or from their morning at home if there's stress there). A tween who talks back may feel hurt or frightened by being lectured. A teenager who doesn't come home when they agreed to is likely feeling quite far away from their parent emotionally.
"Punishing these stressed, hurt, scared or withdrawn kids is only going to further their feelings of disconnection and in turn exacerbate the problem."
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Roma said that the best thing to do when your child is acting out is to cover them with love, as you're helping them to recover and encouraging communication in a loving environment - not rewarding their behaviour. "We are building on our relationship with them and communicating that they are loved, safe and welcome", she said.
But her point of view has not come without criticism, as other parents have said that reinforcing these attitudes will further encourage them to act out for attention - but Roma doesn't think this is true.
She added: "Children's behaviour genuinely comes from a place of innocence. Teachers know that if they help the 'disruptive' kid in their class to access learning they will no longer act out. This is not to say that we don't have any boundaries.
"You wouldn't let the toddler continue hitting, the tween to sustain their backchat or leave the teen to roam. But limits don't have to be brought through threat, blame or scolding- even rewards or bribes are part of a more coercive parenting style. A simple 'Oops, come here you' to the toddler, or 'That's quite enough of that, wanna go play ball' to the tween will suffice."
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