16 November 2023 , 15:42
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A mother has admitted her distress after finding out her parents don’t feel the same way about her adopted daughter as they do about their soon-to-be-born ‘blood’ granddaughter. With the mother clearly upset, she told how she had adopted her husband’s niece, Sarah, nine years ago: “She's an amazing kid and loves me and my family,” she said.
After recently finding out she was pregnant with a little girl, the mother was horrified and hurt when her parents said how excited they were about their ‘first granddaughter.’ Known as aitamum3837 online, she said: “Mum was mentioning things to pass down and I reacted stronger than I probably should have, but I was pretty mad. Sarah has been their granddaughter since she was two,” she continued.
After fighting over the hurtful comments, her parents told her Sarah didn’t count as she was from her husband’s family, not theirs: “She's my daughter, and their granddaughter. She calls them her grandparents. My sister is her aunt and my nephew is her cousin. If they don't accept Sarah then there's no way I want them around either daughter,” she fumed.
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The woman also admitted that while her husband thought the comments were wrong, he also wanted her to draw a line and let it go, believing it wasn’t meant in the way it was said. “He tends to be a bit of a push over when it comes to family (understanding obviously, but still),” she remarked.
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After telling readers her parents hadn’t apologised, she also admitted that everyone she had spoken to about the subject thought she was over-reacting. The post received almost 2k comments on Reddit, as readers were quick to respond to her story: “Family is about love, not blood. Sarah is your daughter, and your parents should treat her as such. It's important to stand up for your children and ensure they are treated equally,” said one.
One woman felt strongly about what she’d read, stating: “They don't deserve to be around Sarah. Your husband also needs a reality check.” Some readers had been adopted themselves, with one commenting: “I can tell you it would have been terrible to feel like I was excluded from my own family because I was adopted. I feel you are in the right here.”
“I’m an adoptee,” said another: “I knew when extended family didn’t really see me as their own, even if they didn’t say it, their actions sure did.” Another Reddit reader saw it from the family’s point of view: “I think you feeling this strongly absolutely makes sense. But I also feel your family being able to be excited about their first bio grandchild is just innocent excitement. Your niece came when she was two, so there wasn’t an infant stage. So long as they don’t mention it in front of your niece and/or treat her different, it should level out.”
Another reader saw the argument from both sides, stating: “You and your husband made the choice to adopt her not your parents. It's not bad that they want to keep heirlooms within the bloodline and it’s not bad that you want to protect your daughter.”