13 November 2023 , 13:14
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A mum has been left heartbroken after discovering her fiancé secretly named their daughter after his high school crush. It wasn't until four weeks after their daughter's birth that she came to learn the truth about her name - and why her fiancé was so keen to use it for his firstborn.
Taking to Reddit, the 30-year-old said: "I just found out the name we chose for our daughter is the same as my fiancé's long-time crush. He suggested the name, and now I feel like he still has feelings for her. What upsets me most about this situation is that I feel like my fiancé has continually lied to/misled me about his relationship with Kaitlyn.
"Not once in the two years we've been together has he ever mentioned having feelings for her or them having any history together. He always told me she was just a friend of his and nothing else, but now I know that's not true." When her sister-in-law came to visit her newborn, Claire, four weeks after her birth, she commented on how bizarre it was for her to name their daughter after her brother's school crush.
"She at one point told me that their whole family was surprised we chose that name for our daughter," she added. "I asked her what she meant, and she mentioned something about it being a name with a lot of history for my fiancé. I still had no idea what she meant, so I asked her to explain why the name had a history to it. She then revealed that the name was the same one that my fiancé's crush had. Apparently, Kaitlyn is just what everyone calls my fiancé's crush, including my fiancé, but Claire is her given name."
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She came to learn her fiancé dated Claire, or to use her nickname, Kaitlyn, during his teenage years after developing a crush on her when he was 12 years old. She said: "It briefly turned physical during one summer break while they were in college. Even when my fiancé was in law school out-of-state, he still fixated on Claire.
"His sister-in-law said that he hadn't said anything recently to make her think he still had a crush on Claire, which made me feel somewhat better, but I know for a fact that he still meets with her on occasion when he visits home. She also said that in college he told his parents that Claire was the only woman he ever loved.
"To make things worse, the name we chose for our daughter was initially suggested by my fiancé. I don't know what to think about that, and the fact that he never mentioned it was his crush's name, except that he has feelings for her still. I can't help but think that it is a tribute to Kaitlyn on the part of my fiancé. I wonder if he would even be with me if he could be with her."
Annoyed, she brought it up with her fiancé, who simply tried to brush the entire conversation under the rug, telling her it was nothing to worry about. She said: "He didn't deny sleeping with Kaitlyn or having a crush on her for years, though he denied that he still felt that way. When I asked him why he never mentioned their relationship or his feelings to me, he told me it was because he knew I would overreact like I was doing. I also asked him about why he suggested we name our daughter after his crush.
"He denied doing it on purpose. He said he never even thought about Claire being his crush's given name, though I find that hard to believe." Seeking advice, she asked Reddit users: "I'm stuck with a name for my daughter that now reminds me that my fiancé lied to me and may not even love me as much as his crush. That alone breaks my heart every day now. I also am unsure of what to do about this relationship.
"We're in the middle of planning a wedding in June, but this whole thing has made me wonder if my fiancé really wants to be with me. He says that he loves me more than Kaitlyn, but I feel like his actions say otherwise. Am I right to see this as a huge red flag?
"I am debating whether or not to postpone the wedding until I can determine whether he really wants to be with me, but I am not sure if that would be too drastic. Is that a bad idea? I just want to be certain that he is choosing me and not settling because he can't have his first choice.
Commenting on her post, one user said: "Her name is not set in stone, at four weeks old she doesn't know her name. Explain to him that you no longer feel comfortable with the name choice and figure out a way to go about changing it."
Another user added: "My dad actually did this to my mum. I was initially named after my dad's ex-girlfriend, but my name was officially changed when I was three months old. My parents have been happily married for about 25 years, so I don't think you need to worry about your relationship." A third user said: "Your baby is only four weeks old. Change her name. As it stands her name is based on deceit."