Woman baffled by 'rude' neighbour's reaction to her £70 thank you gift
It's common courtesy to thank someone who has done a good deed out of the kindness of their heart and helped you out of a difficult situation. How far you should go with your show of appreciation can be tricky though and depends on how well you know the person and the extent to which they aided you.
One woman found herself in this situation when she had a car crash outside her house and a neighbour she barely knew came out to help her and to check she was ok. The friendly woman stayed with her and they got talking, which marked the first time they'd had a proper chat as they live in a neighbourhood where the occupants usually just exchange simple greetings.
The woman who had the prang took to Mumsnet to share her story and revealed how lovely her neighbour had been, but was left baffled by her reaction to her thank you gift. She explained: "She was very kind with me and the situation in general, even though it was basically the first conversation we had ever really had. She waited with me a while and we got chatting and it was all very friendly and kind. I was upset and appreciated her being there."
Following the incident the woman decided she wanted to send her neighbour a thank you so she took a bunch of flowers and a gift for her new grandchild, which cost £70, round to her house and gave it to her husband as she was out.
Everything was "fine" until she received a message back from her neighbour which she thought was "incredibly rude". It read: "Thank you for the flowers and gift, there was no need. X and I couldn't stop laughing when we opened the gift. He was on their board for years and (daughter) is one of their buyers so we know all their products even though we don't tend to buy them. Daughter will find this so funny too! Take care, A."
'I don't want children staying up late at weekends - I really need adult time'
The woman described the message as "crass" but asked other users of the site if they thought she was being over-sensitive. The response she received was very mixed. Quite a few people disagreed with her and couldn't see why she was offended: "I think she is trying to be friendly and jokingly point out that they have strong ties with the company you purchased the gift from. Basically saying 'what a coincidence'," said one. "I suppose they could of (sic) just said thank you but this gives some context about them too. No harm imo."
Another simply said: "No that's not rude imo, she's just telling you an anecdote." While a third agreed: "I don't understand why you are offended. It is an interesting anecdote nothing more. Next time you see her use it as a conversation starter and get to know her a bit better."
However, others thought she was right to take the response to heart: “Wow that's a very rude message indeed! She needs to find her edit button,” said one, as another totally sympathised: "Oh gosh - I can see why you're cross about that! I think you (completely inadvertently) hit on an 'in joke' within her family and she's referring to that and had engaged mouth before brain," they wrote.
"If you want to make the point, you could reply with something like - "I really wasn't trying to be funny; I was just trying to show some appreciation for your kindness". She'll probably be mortified when she reads back what she wrote." This user of the site completely agreed: "I think it was crass and rude. She's basically saying you've wasted your money on buying something that their daughter probably gets at cost price if indeed she wanted it. And £70. Wow."
The cost of the present shocked quite a few people: "You spent £70 on a gift for a baby you don't know?" asked one in bewilderment. "Not rude," said another. "But weird to spend so much and on a baby you don't know too. A thank you card would have been enough."
Another thought the price tag may have been the cause of the issue. They concluded: "I also think it was just a little anecdote. But I have to say flowers and a gift for her grandchild was waaaay OTT and could well have made her feel very uncomfortable - hence the strange message maybe?"
Do you agree? Let us know in the comments below.
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