01 November 2023 , 13:30
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Heads up singletons: there's a new dating trend doing the rounds that you really need to avoid. It's called spider-webbing, a term being used to describe an accumulation of toxic behaviours that become intricately woven together to the point where you can no longer see through them - like a web.
Spider-webbing weaves together a number of different behaviours, including ghosting, love-bombing, breadcrumbing, and gaslighting, and describes what happens when we're affected by all of them at once.
"Spider Webbing is a term used to describe a complex network of manipulative behaviours woven over time, which can entangle individuals in a tumultuous and unhealthy relationship, often leaving them feeling trapped and emotionally distressed," explains Emma Hathorn, in-house dating expert and luxury dating site, Seeking.com, told The Independent.
So how can you tell if it's happening to you? There are a few clear warning signs. First, is if your relationship feels like an emotional rollercoaster. "If you're experiencing intense highs and lows that leave you feeling uncertain, it could be a sign you're subject to some Spider Webbing tactics," suggests Emma.
Love bombing is also something to look out for. If someone first showers you with attention, gifts, and romantic gestures and then swiftly stops, it may be a sign of their true character. Similarly, if your partner moves from one extreme to another and fluctuates from hot and cold, then you may be a victim of bread-crumbing, which is also a part of spider-webbing.
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The third sign you should watch out for is gaslighting, which is when your partner attempts to gain control over your narrative of events. According to Emma: "They might deny things they said or did, or lead you to believe you're being irrational and to question your reality."
They may also try to use 'therapy speak' on you, which is another form of manipulation. Dr. Sarah Bishop, a UK-based clinical psychologist, told HuffPost: "For example, they may blame their bad behaviour on how much they love and care for you, rather than reflecting that they can choose whether to express their affection in a more healthy and balanced way." Other, more obvious signs, could be things like receiving constant criticism from your partner.
Emma advises to adress worries with your partner if you feel safe to, as open communication can lead to positive changes in behaviour. But at the end of the day, you might just need to trust your instincts. "Our intuition often serves as a powerful warning system. If your inner voice is sounding the alarm, it's essential to take these feelings seriously – remind yourself of what your standards are, raise them – and then raise them again."