'I love my sociable new job but my husband seems to resent it'

22 October 2023 , 15:06

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A woman said she got a new job but her husband is upset (Stock photo) (Image: Getty Images/Image Source)

Dear Coleen,

I’m a married woman in my mid-40s with two daughters aged 11 and 13. A few months ago, I started a new job at a great company, which involves commuting to the office three days a week and working from home on the other two.

Getting this job has been great for me after being stuck at home over the past few years, and I love interacting with colleagues and clients, and just being out in the world again. My workmates are very sociable, so we often grab lunch together or a drink after work, plus the job itself involves a lot of social events.

It means I’m at home less, but my girls are older now and usually have clubs after school, so they seem fine with it. My husband, on the other hand, is really grumpy.

He was pleased when I got the job, but now he seems to resent that I’m enjoying it and spending more time away from him. He hates it when I talk about what’s been happening in the office.

I was in the middle of telling him something funny that happened at the pub and he shut me down and said he was off to bed. I think it’s pathetic if he can’t be happy for me and, apart from anything else, I work from home every Tuesday and Friday and so does he.

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I’m happy, I’m having fun and also enjoying the work, so why does he have to ruin it for me? He’s starting to seem boring and small-minded.

Coleen says:

Your job sounds great and it’s clearly been a positive change, but take a breath and try to think about why he might be reacting like this. It sounds like it’s triggered some ­insecurities. Maybe he’s not feeling so great about himself and he’s worried you’re going down different paths. He might feel a bit sidelined and, yes, maybe he feels boring in comparison.

Also remember that while this is an exciting new chapter in your life, the novelty will wear off at some point and what will be left? You’ve built a life and a family with your husband and that’s the really meaningful stuff.

So, I think it’s about finding a balance – enjoying your work and your new friends, but also remembering to nurture home life. Talk to your husband and don’t get irritated with him. Ask him what’s on his mind and what he’s worried about. Maybe you’re also at a point in your marriage where you have to make more of an effort for each other and shake yourselves out of the rut.

Coleen Nolan