Woman applauded for telling stepdaughter she loves her own daughter more
There are an untold amount of issues that can arise in parenting and families in general. Many of these become even more acute when it comes to blending two families together in a second marriage or partnership.
Will the children of your partner get along with your own? How will your ex manage seeing you move in with someone new? How involved should you get with the parenting of your stepchildren when they present challenging behaviour? A rule of thumb tends to be that you shouldn't treat your biological children too differently from those of your partner, but one woman found herself being unexpectedly praised for frankly admitting to her stepdaughter that she simply doesn't love her as much as she loves her biological daughter.
On the surface, you'd be forgiven for condemning a comment like this, but if nothing else, the situation the woman found herself in showed just how rarely life is actually black and white. The unnamed woman took to Reddit to ask for feedback on whether her comment was appropriate and explained the context of her relationship with her stepdaughter. She said that her husband had split up with his ex seven years previously and that "ever since [she] came into the picture" her stepdaughter had been hostile towards her.
"She blamed me for ruining any chance of her dad and mum ever getting back together and behaved toxically," the mum explained. "She regularly messed up all the rooms of the house. When I would tell her to clean it up, she gave me the cliched 'you'e not my mum' spiel." The woman also claimed that her stepdaughter would tell the husband lies about her and was also prone to towards having tantrums whenever she heard the word no.
This eventually led to a bit of a split in the family, the woman claimed, with the husband telling her to leave the household when her stepdaughter was 19. She admitted that relations had improved somewhat in the three years since she had been kicked out of the home, but that some tension between the two women remains.
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Now, her stepdaughter is a mother too, sharing a one-year-old with her boyfriend. The woman's biological daughter also has become a parent and has a two-year-old daughter, and the woman agreed to babysit her biological grandchild whilst she works from home, because her daughter is trying to save up to buy a home.
This quickly led to new issues rearing their head: "My stepdaughter found out about this arrangement a few days ago called me to ask if I could do the same for her child. She couldn't ask her bio mom because she lives in another state. I just said no. It's not that I hate her kid. It's because one child is a handful already and I don't want to give up my job which I enjoy doing. She kept probing but I still gave her the same response. She then tried to emotionally manipulate me by asking if I loved my bio daughter more than her.
"I flipped it on her and asked her if she loved her bio mom more than me, she said, 'yeah because she's my mom'. So I told her that I likewise love my bio daughter more than her because she's my daughter. When she heard that she lost her shit and started calling me a bunch of names. I just cut the call and blocked her number."
The woman said that her husband was on her side over the comment she had made, but she was unsure if she had gone too far by admitting she doesn't love her stepdaughter as much as her biological daughter. Commenters on the post were quick to side with the woman and support what she said. "She got mad because you treated her and said the exact same thing she did," wrote one commenter, with another agreeing that: "Unfortunately the stepdaughter is old enough to know you can't build a bridge from nothing where you previously burned one down. She isn't a child anymore, she's an adult. Sometimes it is the hardest lessons learned that are the most important in life. Treat people with respect, you never know when you may be in a predicament where you need their helping hand."
However, other commenters took a more balanced view, with one saying they wished they could hear the stepdaughter's side of the story and another writing: "You chose to marry her father and welcome her into your family; she didn't choose for her parents to get divorced. also blocking your stepdaughter is wild. do better".
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