16 October 2023 , 17:07
617
0
Dear Coleen,
I’m a woman in my 30s with one daughter, who’s nearly four. My partner left me about a year ago and I’m not over the heartbreak.
He has our daughter every other weekend and takes her to stay at his parents’ house, so they can all be together. His mum and dad are great, and really love my daughter, so I have no problem with that.
My issue is, I’m still in love with him and while he seems to be doing well in every area of his life – work and romance – I’m struggling.
I haven’t moved on, while he has a new (very nice-looking) girlfriend, and it kills me. Every time he comes to collect our daughter, I have this longing to be with him and to beg for us to try again. I have to dig deep to hold it together. It’s like a physical pain in my heart.
He was the one to end it, but I don’t think there was anyone else involved (this girlfriend seems new), but I can’t be sure. He said he loved me as a friend, but wasn’t in love with me.
Strictly's Molly Rainford and Tyler West fuel romance rumours while on tour
I’m keeping things friendly for our daughter’s sake, but I’m angry with him for throwing what we had away. How can I get over this?
Coleen says:
First of all, you’re doing a great job by putting your daughter first because, when you feel this hurt, it might be tempting to use her to hurt your ex back. And she’ll appreciate this when she’s older. One of the things my boys have said is they’re grateful to me and their dad for not making our divorce an issue for them, and remaining friends.
What you are going through is hard and it’s harder for you than it is for him. But it won’t have been easy for him to admit he’s not in love with you and to break up his family.
You’ve handled it incredibly well, but now you’ve got to keep your pride and keep going. There’s no point in begging him to come back – if you ever did get back together I think it would be up to him to do the hard work that would be required for you to trust him again. But you can’t make someone love you.
Keep putting a smile on your face when he picks up your daughter and focus 100% on moving forward. Create the space for new opportunities.
I’ve been in your shoes, handing kids over to an ex, and weeping the minute they were out of sight. It’s tough. But, that pain you’re feeling now does ease with time.
You can help it along by filling your life with as much as you can and by living it again. Start now, and good luck.