Mum divides opinion after refusing to blend families with fiancé's 'rude' kids
Families come with a lot of complications, even before you add into the mix stepparents and children dealing with the aftershock of their own parent's relationship falling apart. Finding a way to fit two families together and merge them into a new, cohesive unit can be a challenge, to say the least.
There aren't any one-size-fits-all rules, particularly when it comes to disciplining your new partner's child. When you should intervene and when you should step away can be a difficult balance to strike, especially if you have an acrimonious relationship with your partner's ex.
This was the difficulty one woman found herself facing as she struggled to find where she fit in and she wondered if she should stop attempting to blend her families at all when it came to parenting her sometimes challenging soon-to-be stepson.
The woman, who took to Netmums for advice explained that she moved in with her fiance just two months ago and that she has her own nine-year-old son and he has one of his own, and a 12-year-old daughter. She explained that when it comes to behaviour, her partner's children are very different from her "easygoing" son, "who happens to be well behaved and I rarely have to discipline him, he lives with us pretty much all the time."
Her partner's children spend time at their home on weekends and around half of any school holidays they have, but she found his daughter, 12, to be "rude" and his son "a hyperactive, junk eating badly behaved tantrum throwing, 'I can do anything I like' child. He throws tantrums three or four times a day to get his own way. Only it doesn't really work as his Dad yells at him until he finally does what he is told."
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The woman explained that while she initially tried to share in the parenting at these more challenging moments and "treating him as I do my own nine-year-old," but the child reacted badly to her interjections. Now, she explained, if there is some kind of bad behaviour going on, she "keeps her son away from these dramas".
She also said that she has "read about blended families but I cannot blend with my partner's son. My partner is a great guy but his parenting techniques just don't work on a child who has become super disrespectful. And he is very defensive if I criticise him. I thought hard in the beginning and I love this man so I didn't want to leave him over his problem child. From what I can work out the bad behaviour is generated by the mother, and no I cannot communicate with her, she is a potty-mouthed alcohol-indulging fruit loop."
The woman sought advice on whether she should feel guilt over not being able to blend with her partner's child and whether this meant it was "acceptable" to marry him at all. Commenters were divided in response to the woman's request for advice, with some harshly criticising her and others supporting her position.
"No, in these circumstances it isn't okay to marry his Dad and ignore this child and take yourselves off whenever he's around", wrote one commenter. "Either support your partner and get some proper help to help this child or leave his Dad to find someone with a backbone who is going to stick around for the downs as well as the ups of life."
Another took a more sympathetic stance, saying that they "would go ahead and marry this man. First of all, he only sees them at weekends so you have all week without this nine-year-old child…and when he comes over don't push him out but don't butt in too much [...] Yeah maybe one day you may have a bond with him but don't let him disrespect you and don't let him ruin your relationship."
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