28 September 2023 , 19:42
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Dear Coleen
I’m a woman aged 28 and I’ve been dating a guy who’s 21 and in his final year at university.
We met through his older brother, who’s a friend of mine. At first it was awkward as his brother thought it was weird, but he’s moved on and seems to accept we’re dating.
However, I’m starting to have a few reservations about the relationship. My boyfriend is very good looking (the main attraction, initially), as well as interesting and funny.
I’m just not sure whether he takes us seriously and thinks I’m a novelty, being older.
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It wouldn’t surprise me if he cheated, not because he’s a horrible person, but he’s just very young and living in halls with lots of girls his own age.
He gets so much attention from women (and men) because he’s so handsome.
Also, even though I’m not old I do feel that way around him sometimes and I’m definitely looking for a relationship.
He’s told me he wants to go to the US after university and travel a bit, but I’ve done that and want to focus on my job.
Should I end this now before it gets more serious or should I fight my insecurities?
Coleen says
I think the latter. You’re pre-empting what might happen and that’s not how it works. With any relationship, you have to give it a shot and see how things develop.
Don’t be rushing to the endgame (marriage and kids) because there’s a lot that can happen in the middle.
If things are going well, focus on enjoying the moment rather than what might or might not happen in the future.
Yes he’s young, and I’m sure you feel that sometimes, even though you’re only a few years older. But, the truth is, when you start a relationship there are no guarantees, whatever age you are. I’ve been married twice and both times I thought it was forever.
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I think your insecurities stem from him being young, but you don’t say he’s behaving badly or that he’s a massive flirt; he just wants to go travelling which is normal for someone his age.
If he did go travelling it could be a good test and might make the relationship stronger.
And I know you’ve done the travelling thing, but not with a partner and that could be a different experience. If you can’t take the time out to travel, maybe you can meet up with him for a holiday.
But, the point is, you’re young and you have options, which is a great position to be in.