24 September 2023 , 14:10
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Starting a new relationship can be daunting, especially in the very early stages of dating when you're not entirely sure what the other person's intentions are, or what they're really like as a person. And while getting to know them better might lead to something special developing between you, it can also uncover some warning signs about their behaviour that lead you to call it quits as soon as possible.
The latter is what one woman is dealing with after the man she's been talking to for a few days showed her a huge "red flag" in the way he chose to compliment her. The anonymous woman said her date called her "one of the most beautiful girls" he had ever seen, and in response, she decided to make light of the situation and faked overconfidence. However, her joke made the man do a "sudden 180" and he instead told her he had "seen better".
In a post on Reddit, the woman said: "I've been texting a guy for roughly a couple of days. He seems to like giving a lot of compliments which is very sweet but also I am a little guarded as I've been love-bombed in my previous relationship. I told him I'm guarded emotionally and that my confidence sometimes diminishes. He said he understood.
"This morning he told me 'You're one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen, it's actually mad'. I responded with 'well, duh' in a joking manner, as I'd often said thank you in response previously. His response has made me very wary, as he almost did a sudden 180 by saying 'Oh sorry, I meant you're alright. I've seen better'.
"It kind of took me by surprise and has definitely made me cautious. It might not seem like a big deal but I tend to sniff out red flags quite quickly. Could someone dissect this and let me know if I should be careful?"
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Commenters on the post told the woman she should keep her eyes peeled for any more confusing behaviour from the man, but said she shouldn't call things off with him immediately as he could have simply been attempting to make an "awkward joke" in response to hers.
However, some also warned it could be a sign of the emotional abuse technique known as "love bombing", in which someone will give excessive flattery and praise to a partner in order to manipulate them. One commenter wrote: "He may have made an awkward joke back at your joke. Maybe.
"Or, he's using classic love bombing techniques where he only expresses affection when you are socially under him, and as soon as you express confidence or independence, he pulls the rug out from under you. Honestly, it's hard to judge from this one interaction. But I'd keep my eyes open and watch for other red flags. If you see more, ditch him. In a bit, try expressing confidence again and see how he reacts."
And someone else asked: "If he is normally complimentary towards you, and you respond jokingly, wouldn't it be safe to assume that he would respond with a joke, also? I don't think he's trying to diminish you, but I would have taken your response as you being playful."
If you believe that you or someone you know may be being love-bombed, you can find information and advice on the Solace Women's Aid website. You can also contact the Solace advice line on 0808 802 5565, or the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. If you are in immediate danger, contact the police on 999.